


Reflexivity

by NanakiBH



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Second Chances, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-01 23:05:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6540265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The small differences may gradually become big enough to change the whole world, but the things that are important will always stay the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wish

**Author's Note:**

> This story spawned from thinking about what I would have done to give the game a happy ending. I've written things before with a similar idea, but this time, I decided that I wanted to go all the way.
> 
> While writing this, I started noticing how many plotholes and contrivances there are in the original story. While I've done my best to dodge them, I did have to confront one of them directly (Ludger and Victor's watches) by retconning canon. Don't worry. It'll be for the best.
> 
> Rated for future parts where things will become more explicit. It'll be worth it when we get there.

When the light surrounded him at last, taking his body with it, he opened his eyes one last time, seeing beyond sight, and caught a glimpse of those who were awaiting him beyond the gate. Yet, as he reached out, the light spread farther, enveloping everything, even his consciousness.

It wasn't quite like falling asleep, though the following absence of awareness was the same. There was no telling how long he was that way, drifting somewhere between their dimension and the next, caught in a place where time was a thing without meaning. There was no way to cry out, no one to grasp him – nothing. Not even a sense of urgency followed him in that place.

Waking up, however...

Yeah, that was the same.

Rollo was at his side. His alarm was going wild.

Ludger's eyes snapped open and he was immediately filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread that closed up his throat and made it difficult to even draw a breath. No dreams accompanied his sleep– if it had been sleep at all. It was hard to tell whether he'd _awakened_ or if he'd simply resumed awareness.

There was nothing to explain what had happened, but there was one thing he was certain of: he remembered everything. It took no time at all for him to recall everything that had happened. It was all still there, freshly in his mind as if it had happened a second ago. He couldn't say how long it had been since he stood in front of the two Great Spirits who commanded the Trial, an unusual gap in his memory distorting his sense of time, but, glancing at his clock, he had a feeling that wondering about that was a waste of time in itself.

No time had passed.

“Ludger? Are you alive in there?” His brother's voice, faint from the other side of his bedroom door. “You don't want to be late on your first day!”

Time had reversed.

That day was supposed to be his first day working in the station cafeteria, but that obligation left his head the second he heard Julius's voice. Throwing back his bed sheets, startling Rollo, Ludger jumped out of bed and stumbled to the door. With numb fingers, he opened the door, and there, on the other side...

“Oh, you're finally awake,” Julius said, taking his eyes away from the watch in his hand. However, the moment he saw him, his brows came together and the gentle smile on his face was complicated by worry. “What happened? Are you okay, Ludger?”

For a frightening moment, Ludger wondered if it really was just a dream; an illusion born from his lingering hopes. But, just the fact that he was capable of having that thought made him feel assured of its authenticity. This Julius was...

“Brother...”

As he sunk to the floor, crumpling to his knees, Julius left his chair and was at his side instantly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it's alright,” he said, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I'm sure you have a minute or two to spare. No need to rush yourself. It's alright to be nervous about your first day on the job. A lot of people are like that.”

He thought he completed the Trial. He was satisfied. Elle was safe. It was supposed to be over. On the other side of that gate, that was where he was supposed to see Julius again.

Had something changed? Was he just mistaken? Or...

“I'm sure you're going to do just fine. My little brother is the best chef in all of Elympios. If you want something to help keep you motivated, I can send you texts throughout the day. How does that sound?”

Slowly, feeling strangely calm as his heart continued to pound against the inside of his chest, Ludger placed his hands on Julius's shoulders and held him at arm's reach. Looking at his face, he once again had the impression that the Julius he was looking at was, without mistake, _his_ brother. Nodding once to himself, he told him, “I remember... Everything.”

And Julius looked stricken. “...Everything, you say?” he asked slowly, his body rigid, overcome by a look of fear that Ludger had never seen on him before.

Ludger knew what sort of misunderstanding must have entered his brother's head. At the moment, it was hard to find a way to properly dispel it. He didn't want to distress him by saying anything unusual, but it was going to be unavoidable.

“Can I see your watch for a second?” Ludger asked. When Julius dimly reached into his pocket and procured his silver pocket watch, Ludger shook his head. “Sorry. The other one.”

“The other...?” Expression tightening, Julius clutched the other watch. “You... just want this to check the time, isn't that right?” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that, unwilling to believe that he would know anything about the significance of that particular gold watch.

As he handed it to him, Ludger took a glance at his brother's other hand. If everything was the same, then Julius was probably already turning into a catalyst. It would've been too sudden to ask him about it, so Ludger placed the thought at the back of his mind and promised himself that he wouldn't let Julius go and bear that pain on his own again.

If he had really been sent back in time, he felt there had to be a reason. He could have speculated endlessly about it, but there was only one reason that would make it feel acceptable. Although Chronos had been jaded and acted cruelly towards humans, Ludger refused to believe that he would be so cruel as to make him redo the Trial for his own amusement.

As his body was dissolved, there had been one wish left in his heart: to create the world he dreamed of.

That dream... Perhaps Chronos wanted to see if he could make it a reality after he finally knew all of the secrets and truths of their clan.

Through his thoughts, he heard the newscaster on the TV mention something about the Oscore plant. Everything was aligning with his memories. There were many things he still needed to sort out in his head, but he knew, first and foremost, that if he didn't get a move on, he might not meet Jude. He might not meet Elle...

Rollo, acting restless, waddled his way past them and went to the door. After taking a look back at them, he fit himself through the cat door and left.

“We need to go,” Ludger said. Clutching the watch, he ran back into his room, closing the door behind him.

As he ran around his room, hastily putting on his clothes, he could hear Julius from the other side of the door.

“Ludger, um- When you said 'we'... Ludger, is there something going on?”

A couple minutes later, Ludger threw open the door. His shirt was half-tucked in and his tie was only loosely hanging over his shoulders, but he couldn't bother to fix it himself. The watch was in his pocket and he doubted that Julius would try to fish for it unless he wanted to seem like a pervert.

Julius sighed, still trying to act as though there was nothing unusual going on. “Really, what's gotten into you?” Before Ludger could say anything about it, Julius was already doing his tie for him. “I know this is sort of sudden, and you must be feeling confused right now as well, but if there's something you want to talk to me about, I'll... talk to you tonight.”

There wasn't going to be a 'tonight'. Not if they were separated.

After Julius finished tying his tie, Ludger's eyes chased after his fingers, wishing that he could have felt them for a little longer. “Brother, what are your plans today?”

“Hm?” His question must have caught him off guard. Julius's face paled for a second but it was quickly replaced with an unsteady grin. “I have work, obviously. If my day goes smoothly, I ought to be free in the evening.”

“You plan on going to the station.”

Julius was silent for a moment, measuring the meaning of his words. It seemed that he was finally unable to ignore the suspicious way he was talking. Ludger had to prove to him that he truly did know _everything_ , even the things he wasn't telling him, otherwise, as he currently was, it was likely that Julius would never trust him. The present Julius was a stubborn and selfish big brother who would rather suffer in silence than allow his little brother to see a single glimpse of their dark side.

But Ludger had already been there. He'd seen what darkness layed in Julius's heart. Origin's words continued to repeat in his head.

The darkness that accumulated in their hearts was what made them strong. It was their determination. Turning away from it, ignoring it, and trying to make it go away would only weaken them.

“Brother, I know what you're planning on doing today, but I'm not letting you go alone. This...” Ludger sighed heavily, feeling a funny pang of defeat. “This is probably going to cost me my job at the station, but it can't be helped. Right now, I know that this must sound like a lot, but I need you to trust me. If there's one person I know I can trust, it's you, so I hope that you can trust me the same way.” He clenched his fists at his sides, and he willed his voice to be steady. “We have to hurry. We need to find the Key. We can't let Bisley get to her.”

He couldn't let Elle board that train.

Julius's eyes narrowed. The way he was looking at him, Ludger wondered if he was questioning whether he had been replaced by some kind of fractured dimension version of his little brother. “Did someone say something to you?”

“I already told you,” Ludger said, making sure to be clear. “I know everything. I've been here before. I know what's going to happen. I don't know why this has happened either, but I can explain everything as best as I can for you later. Now isn't the time. We need to leave before it's too late.”

“Ludger...” He looked away. “I'm- I have work today, so I can't just-”

Did he not hear him?

He couldn't let Julius keep acting that way. It was impossible to make him change when all they had were a few seconds, but he couldn't give up and let him go. If Julius ignored him, he was going to board that train too. He was going to try to confront Bisley for his sake, but Ludger knew how that would end already.

“Brother, please! You have to listen to me!”

He was desperate. If he had truly been sent back to accomplish something, then he couldn't let it end before it even began.

Startled back into silence, Julius finally seemed willing to believe the seriousness of the situation and its absurd circumstances. Pushing up his glasses, he checked his pocket once more to make sure he had his watch, then gave him a short nod. “Alright,” he said. “I don't know what's going on, but, well...” When he looked back at him, his eyes were soft with that sort of gentleness Ludger cherished. “I've never been able to refuse a request from you.”

“Alright.” He did it. “This time, you're following me.”

Without hesitating, he left the apartment with Julius in tow. Had things been the same, he would have already been out the door a while ago and Julius would have followed after at some unknown period with both watches still in his possession. Although he was almost certain that he'd already lost some time, Ludger felt like he was on the right track. There was no room for error when he was still unsure of what would await them if he failed to protect Julius. Worse, if he didn't make it to Elle, every event he remembered would fall out of line.

Once they were outside the apartment, standing at the place where the road split, Ludger looked around.

“He was supposed to be here,” he muttered, feeling sweat gathering at the back of his neck.

“Who was?” Julius asked.

Again, he hoped that Julius wouldn't think he had lost his mind. “Jude Mathis.”

“ _The_ Jude Mathis? The spyrite researcher from Rieze Maxia who's been in the news lately?” he asked.

Experiencing all of this just minutes after waking up was more than overwhelming. It was too early for him to start thinking about anything in great detail. Although all of the memories were still in his head, he needed to search through them careful in order to retrace his steps. “I met him right here while I was on my way to work. He said that he was going to the station and asked if I knew how to get there...”

Right. Obviously. Even if he hadn't been there to help him, Jude would have found his way to the train station eventually, so he probably hadn't wandered off somewhere else.

Julius grabbed his shoulder, giving him a light shake to bring him back. “Then we're still going to the station. What are you waiting for?”

Just like always – just like he remembered from before everything became a mess – Ludger found himself as the one who was being led. Julius was faster, and he wasn't that hard to keep up with, but he was the one who naturally grasped the reins of the situation and Ludger had no choice but to follow. It wasn't like he wanted to overtake him; he was fine where he was. The view of his brother's broad back was a familiarly reassuring sight. But it was that familiarity that constricted his heart.

Julius was strong, but no man was an army. There were things that even his perfect big brother struggled against. Julius must have spent a long time – his whole life, perhaps – hoping that he would never catch a glimpse of the weakness inside him. If only he'd known that he wouldn't be hated for it... Ludger could never resent him, even for the deceits.

“The train will be leaving soon,” Julius said, his teeth clenched. “Dammit.”

“You were going to go after Bisley on your own today, weren't you?” Ludger asked. Running along behind him, he couldn't see Julius's face to know his reaction, but he could hear the way he sharply inhaled when he realized that he'd already seen that far through his intentions. “Let him leave on that train. It won't matter as long as we can stop her from getting on board.”

Glancing over his shoulder, Julius slowed his pace slightly and looked at him with a raise of one brow. “'Her'? You said that before, didn't you? I take it I'm supposed to have my eye out for a woman?”

Ludger shook his head. “No – a little girl. She has pigtails and she's wearing a yellow backpack. I'm sure you wouldn't miss her if you saw her.”

Thrusting their way into the station, they pushed past the people who were idling around. There were so many people, it was hard for Ludger's eyes to figure out where they should look first. Before he knew it, he was getting dizzy, his head swimming as his heartbeat reverberated in his deafened ears. He wondered distantly if that feeling of distress was what it felt like to be a parent.

“Ludger.”

His feet stilled and he took a breath, looking up at his brother. Julius looked serious. Ludger recognized that look.

Blearily, his eyes followed where he was pointing. Standing at the gates in the same place where he had stood before on that day was Jude who was arguing with the attendant, gesturing wildly in aggravation. Just beyond the gate, having slipped behind him without his notice, was Elle, and near her, waiting on the platform, was Rollo. It looked like Elle had put Jude through the same thing she'd done to him.

Precisely at that moment, as he should have predicted if he had been thinking clearly, there was a loud burst and the station was suddenly filled with white smoke. Panic erupted with people screaming and the sound of automatic weapons. As the Exodus terrorists rushed in to seize the station, Ludger felt calmer than he should have, if only because he knew that he still had Julius at his side.

It was going to be too late to speak with Jude this time. Startled by the chaos and gunfire, Rollo ran away and leapt into the open door of the train, and, calling after him to wait, Elle chased after him, getting on board as well.

Julius cursed under his breath. “She's getting away.”

This was what Ludger had wanted to avoid. Everything would have been so much easier if they never had to get tied up in the terrorists' plot to destroy the Oscore plant. A part of him was already hopelessly counting their situation as a loss, accepting defeat, feeling so afraid of the possibility of repeating their original events that it made him want to preemptively throw in the towel.

It was too soon for that thinking. It didn't matter how many times Chronos made him see his way through the Trial.

He needed to get to Elle.

“Come on!” Ludger shouted.

As they ran ahead through the thick smoke, he silently apologized to Jude for leaving him behind. He and Julius jumped over the dividers and ran across the platform, careful of their step, and jumped through the train's open door. He went first, Julius leaping in after him. As soon as his feet hit the floor, Ludger stumbled, but Julius had an arm around him before he could fall.

However, a second later, a third person jumped in behind them and crashed into them, making them both fall to the floor. Blinking, Ludger looked up to find his brother on top of him with his face a few mere inches away from his. Julius was just as dazed from the fall, but their closeness didn't seem to escape him once he opened his eyes and noticed Ludger beneath him.

“S-sorry,” he said, picking himself up.

Their unexpected visitor finally spoke up. “I'm the one who should apologize.”

As Julius helped Ludger to his feet, they both looked behind them and found...

Jude Mathis.

This was bad. This time, Ludger had been hoping that he could get fewer people mixed up in their family's problems. Yet, fate had a way of bringing the pieces back together. Then again, he recalled Jude and his friends saying that it was common for them to get mixed up in the problems of others, and he remembered how accommodating they had been. From the start, they had been willing to do whatever it took to help him.

Maybe it wasn't so bad that fate had decided that he and Jude should meet again. Even if he made it all the way through the Trial again, it would have been disappointing to lose the precious friendships he made along the way, but as long as there was Jude, he had the feeling that he and his friends would stay connected.

“Oh- Sorry again,” Jude said, extending a hand toward them. “I'm Jude Mathis. I hope you're both alright.”

Julius glanced at Ludger. He must have still been wondering how he knew the things that he knew. Actually meeting the famous spyrite researcher was a little too coincidental to be written off as a good guess.

Taking his hand first, Julius gave it a firm shake. “Julius.”

There was a strange sort of nostalgia in shaking hands and introducing himself to someone he already knew. “I'm Ludger. Julius and I are brothers. I think we're both alright, so there's no need for you to worry.”

“Hey!” A little voice none of them had heard speak yet. “Why is everyone ignoring me?”

Ludger's conflicted heart got stuck in his throat, restricting the sigh of relief he wanted to breathe out when he saw Elle's face. She was certainly the Elle he remembered, although, just like Jude, she had no idea who he was anymore. When he looked at her and she looked back up at him, he felt no sense of recognition in her eyes. It was tragic to have lost the time that they had shared together.

Instantly, he wished that she would look at him and smile and call him 'partner'.

But that wouldn't be happening.

“Hey there,” he said, crouching down. He held out a hand and she timidly placed her hand in his palm. “You're Elle, right?”

She looked confused. Her little hand trembled. “You already know my name?”

Ludger nodded. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his watch and held it out for her to see. “I came here to meet you,” he explained. It wasn't a lie.

From behind him, he could hear his brother release an audible sound of surprise when he noticed that the watch she was holding was the same as the one Ludger had in his hand.

“Your watch looks the same as mine,” she mumbled. Just as she said that, the watch in Ludger's hand began to flicker.

“Elle, may I have that watch for a second?” he asked. Actually, he needed it right away.

“B-but this is my daddy's-”

“That's right. Your daddy's watch is like the other half of my watch. Let me show you.”

She was protective of it – fiercely so. He couldn't forget the way she had insisted that the watch had belonged to her father, and, that time, it had. The watch he'd been using all along had been Victor's. Held in Elle's hand, it had taken priority over his own and Victor's became the prime dimension's version of the watch. For any other ordinary object, that may not have been significant, but their watches weren't just any ordinary things. Because its existence was sustained by the Key, he was using Elle's strength every time he transformed.

She might hate him for what he was about to do, but he couldn't let that happen again. He couldn't use the watch, knowing what it would do to Elle.

He closed his hand around hers and gently coaxed the watch away. Standing, he held out his hands with a watch in each one, letting Jude and Julius see them. Uncertain of what was going on, Elle started begging him to give it back, but it was already too late. Out of her hands, so close to his watch, her watch flickered and vanished.

“My daddy's watch!” she cried. “What did you do? Where did it go?”

Jude clearly had no clue what just happened, but Ludger could see that Julius understood. Her watch was somewhere else now. It may have gone back to where it belonged, for all he knew, which seemed dangerous in its own way, but what mattered was that Elle would be safe without it.

“Your daddy's watch and my watch are the same. It doesn't really matter which one of us carries it, so you can hold on to it for now. Your daddy gave you that because I'm going to need it, though, alright? Make sure to take care of it. Don't lose it.” It made him feel a little bad for having to twist the truth in such a way, and he tried to deliver a convincing smile in spite of that as he handed her the watch.

Elle didn't look ready to trust him yet, glancing away, but she took the watch and fixed it to the chain around her neck. “A-alright. I don't get it, but...” Slowly, she lifted her eyes from the watch and looked at him. It was as if she were trying to decode the look on his face. “You seem alright.”

“Just 'alright'?” Ludger laughed. That sounded so much like Elle... He was glad.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the place to enjoy a quasi-reunion with his little partner. Julius was quick to remind them of that as he stepped through the group and pushed his way into the aisle. “Ludger. Bisley is on board this train... But you already knew that, didn't you? Why don't you leave him to me? You three can go ahead and try to figure out what has to be done to stop the trai-”

“I refuse,” he said, plain and simple, without any room for debate. “I know what you're planning, but there's no point in that now. I know what kind of person he is. I won't be fooled by him.”

“E-excuse me,” Jude spoke up nervously, quietly raising a hand. “Um, not to interrupt, but is this some sort of family thing? I think Mr. Julius may have a point. We're in a dangerous situation right now. We should figure out how to stop the train before we think about anything else.”

The ticking of the clock determined the decision for them. They were going to have to move on. If they ran into Bisley, Ludger was going to have to think about how to handle him on the fly. The bad situation they were in could get exponentially worse if they wound up in a confrontation with him, but if Bisley were a smart man, he wouldn't want to cause an uproar in a train that was wildly speeding toward wreckage.

Turning back to Elle, Ludger placed a hand on top of her cap and gave her a couple friendly pats. “Stick close to us, Elle. Brother and I will keep you safe.”

“Speak of the devil!” Julius said sharply, spotting an Exodus member who appeared on the other side of the car. It was a young masked woman – perhaps the same one who had attacked Ludger the first time he had been through that series of events. Unlike him, however, Julius had come prepared. Pushing open his coat, he grabbed the blades he had hidden behind his back and took off in the blink of an eye, launching himself toward the terrorist. His forward approach seemed to startle her, leaving her wide open.

Even though they were probably going to end up in many similar encounters, Ludger still put a hand over Elle's eyes and tried to shield her from the gruesome sight.

His brother was frighteningly efficient. With one strike, he'd taken her out. Her body limply hit the passenger seats and fell into the aisle.

Jude had been ready to fight as well, but he lowered his gloved fists slowly when he realized that the threat had already been disposed of. “Who... are you, exactly? You aren't with the terrorists, so might you be from the military, or...?”

Although Julius seemed to have an answer ready for him, it was halted on his tongue when he saw Ludger standing over Elle, shielding her eyes. He didn't understand her yet, but he must have understood that she had some sort of importance to him. Stowing his blades, he got down and dragged the woman's body out of the aisle. When Ludger thought about how many times they would have to kill, the gesture seemed insignificant, but it meant a lot to him to know that Julius would also want to spare her from such a sight, if even just for the time being.

He was, after all, his kind and gentle big brother. There had been moments when he'd almost forgotten. Ludger couldn't forgive himself for that.

Julius's eyes lingered on Elle. It was like he wanted to come nearer, but he was afraid.

“I'm with Spirius,” he told Jude. “An agent.”

Growing impatient, Elle pulled herself out of Ludger's grasp. When she saw the blades that Julius had taken out again, her eyes widened. “Oh!” She dove into one of the nearby seats and returned with a parcel in her arms. “These are like what he's got! My daddy gave me these, so I guess these must be for you too. You know how to use them, right?”

Victor's blades.

Ludger nodded and accepted them from her. He released the cord that held it together and took them out, their weight feeling right in his hands. “Thanks.” He regarded Jude. “I'm not from Spirius, but I learned everything I know from my brother. You can count on me.”

This time, Jude looked surprised to have met two such capable individuals. During their first meeting, Ludger's first impression of Jude was of a young man who could mysteriously hold his own in a battle despite carrying the title of 'doctor'. The more time they spent together, he came to see Jude for the kind and somewhat nervous person he really was. Although Elle had been skeptical of them at first, she also already appeared to be warming up to them, reassured by the presence of these two strong strangers who supposedly knew who she was.

Taking her hand, Ludger led her down the aisle toward the next car, following his brother, Jude behind them. Since he'd been there last, he'd forgotten about how terrible the situation had really been. The train hadn't arrived in the station with many passengers, but the civilians who were on board had been killed. In the next car, Elle screamed when they saw the number of bodies laying motionless in their seats.

Again, Julius offered to scout ahead and Ludger refused again, sending him a severe glare as he got down to comfort Elle.

“We're going to protect you, so it's okay. Just stay close to us.”

They suddenly heard a rattling noise from somewhere nearby. Ready for an attack, Julius raised his blades, but slowly lowered them when they located the source of the sound.

From the seats near Julius, a very frightened and shaking Rollo came wobbling out into the aisle.

“ _Rollo!_ ” he and Ludger exclaimed. Rollo was a tough cat and he'd always known how to take care of himself outside, but it was a relief to see that he was alright.

Kneeling down on one knee, Julius put away his blades and beckoned Rollo nearer. With a sad, weak _meow_ , Rollo crept closer, then leapt at once into Julius's arms, meowing frantically as if he were trying to say that he was glad to see him too. “You went and got yourself mixed up in this too, huh, Rollo?” Julius said, giving an exasperated-sounding laugh.

“Brother.” When Julius turned to look at him, Ludger gestured toward Elle. “I think Elle could use a buddy.”

Julius was reluctant at first to relinquish his precious cat, his glasses making it hard to see what he was really feeling, but he came forward after a moment and held Rollo out for her to take. “He's big. Use your knees.”

Elle held out her arms, but she didn't understand what his instructions meant until she had the full weight of Rollo in her arms. “Whoa! He's so heavy!” she said in surprise. She flailed momentarily but righted herself once she figured out how to hold his weight with her legs. Even then, it was difficult to maintain balance like that with the erratic swaying of the train, but she and Rollo were determined to make it work.

Across the next few cars, they encountered more Exodus members, and he and Julius dispatched them before Jude even had a chance to raise his fists. Ludger remembered everything being a lot more difficult the first time and wondered if having Julius with him really made that much of a difference. He was incredible. Even though he was being weakened by the catalyst effect, he was still the strongest among them. It made Ludger wonder what happened. When he had to face him on his own in order for them to build the bridge, Julius had given him a fight, but he seemed weaker then, like he was struggling to find his former strength. Had the catalyst effect really worn him down that badly, or...

Ludger didn't want to think that Julius had held back. It was too sad to think that he may have been pulling his punches to make it easier for them, but it was equally sad to think that he'd fought him when Julius was already suffering. He didn't know which was worse.

“This train is huge,” Jude said, agonizing about how much longer it would be until they reached the front of the train. “I was really excited to learn more about the trains in Elympios, but I don't know how I'm going to feel after an experience like this. It puts a bad taste in my mouth.”

“Wait a second,” Julius said, stopping for a second. “Dr. Mathis, how familiar are you with trains? Do you think you'd be capable of stopping the train?”

Jude jumped slightly, his brows coming together. “I was afraid you were going to ask that,” he said, scratching his cheek. “Y-you see, it's more of an aesthetic interest. I don't have any hands-on experience, but I have read some books and watched a few programs, so I may be able to-”

“You'll be our conductor!” Elle cheered.

Ludger patted him on the back. “Congratulations!”

With Jude nominated as the train's new conductor, they continued on ahead. As they kept fighting the terrorists, Ludger kept a close eye on Julius, watching to see if he could tell whether he was in pain. There were little signs that he had ignored originally because he hadn't even realized that there were things he needed to be looking for. If it started to look like fighting was hurting him, he decided that he would have to intervene and take over. He couldn't risk allowing the catalyst to progress any farther than it already had. By the time he and Julius had finished their battle against each other, it had worked its way up his arm and could be seen above the collar of his jacket, creeping up his neck. As long as it remained restricted to his fingertips this time, there might be something they could do.

He didn't want to think about it, a sick feeling turning his stomach at just the thought, but Ludger wondered if it could be as easy as removing the infected area. Did it have deeper roots...? Was the catalyst effect even a physical ailment?

He just didn't know...

The next car they entered was unsettlingly quiet. They didn't see any terrorists near, but there were two others who were already occupying the car. As Ludger and the others arrived, the one who had seemingly been anticipating their arrival stood from his seat and came to the aisle to face them.

“Ah, Julius. What a surprise to see you here.”

At his side, Ludger heard his brother growl under his breath as his hands tightened around the grip of his blades. Just by looking at him, Ludger could tell that he was ready to take a swing at Bisley, but there was something holding him back this time. There may have been a few factors, but it was probably because he was heeding what Ludger had told him earlier about being unable to defeat him on his own. It wasn't like he could ask for Ludger's help, either.

“Let me guess... More family?” Jude asked. His awkward laugh became even more awkward when none of them said a word in response. That silly question wasn't as silly as Jude thought.

“Well?” Bisley asked, taunting Julius with a grin. “Aren't you going to introduce me?”

Vera was noticeably silent, looking uncomfortable. Having a very distraught-looking Julius there in front of her this time must have made her realize that a horrible mistake had been made. It wasn't her fault, even if she had been the one to pass the information along to Bisley. It was just a matter of unfortunate circumstances that led to Bisley finding out that he had another living son.

Deciding it best to alleviate the tension himself, Ludger stepped in front of Julius.

“I believe you know who I am already. This doesn't seem like a very good time for introductions, unfortunately. We don't have much ti-”

“Isn't it, though?” Bisley said.

Was he _insane,_ Ludger wondered. Even if they were trying to get around him by wriggling their way out of conversation, it was absurd to play this type of game when they were headed toward a train crash.

Gently, a hand touched his shoulder from behind and Ludger looked back to find Jude giving him a look. Jude leaned closer and spoke quietly so that Bisley and Vera couldn't hear. “I'll let you two handle whatever's going on here. I'll go ahead.”

Ludger didn't have to ask if he would be alright on his own. He knew that he would be, so he gave him a silent nod.

Jude excused himself, and, just as easily as that, slipped away from the awkward family standoff with a few hasty apologies to the two he hadn't been formally introduced to yet. Ludger figured that Jude _knew_ who Bisley was, if only in relation to Spirius, and must have realized that it wouldn't be wise to stand between him and one of his agents when there was such tension in the air.

Or he was just thinking responsibly and wanted to stop the train.

Once Jude was gone, Julius finally spoke, keeping his eyes focused on Bisley's. “Alright, Bakur, what do you want?”

He barked out a cruel laugh. “My, what kind of attitude is that? Have I done something to offend you? I heard that you have a brother... This must be him.”

It would have been easiest to tell them both to stop, that they didn't need to dance around the facts at hand, but the mood felt wrong for that. Ludger didn't know how far he could dip his feet into the water before the waves would cover his head. It might've been dangerous to expose the fact that he knew that he was Bisley Bakur's other son. Bisley knew it. Julius knew it. But the fact that _he_ knew was something he'd never revealed to Bisley, even if he figured that Bisley later became aware of his knowledge. That information held an unknown effect that could ripple through the whole of time, effecting every future event, and Ludger wasn't sure if he should make a decision that drastic.

The time he was in now was a lot like a fractured dimension, he realized. With one choice, he could change everything from the way he remembered. But, after witnessing so many real fractured dimensions, he was also aware that even the same decisions could sometimes yield multiple effects.

What _was_ Chronos trying to do? Was he trying to say that the fractured dimensions were just as deserving of life as their own because they were capable of making the same decisions?

He already knew that, so what was the point?

“His name is Ludger.” Julius's gaze was unfaltering. He was just as ready to stand his ground for him as he'd ever been. “Did you have something you wanted to say to him?”

“Ah, in fact, I do,” Bisley said. He looked at Vera, but she was looking at the two of them instead. Her stoic expression had returned, but Ludger knew that she must have been silently cursing the situation. Bisley stepped forward, making his way to Ludger. Julius's arms shook, but he didn't move in front of him. Raising one large hand, Bisley extended it toward Ludger, expecting a handshake. “To have made it this far, this young man must be someone quite special. I look for such strong, extraordinary individuals while building my company. I was informed that you had tried to join us once before, but, after witnessing your perseverance here, I'm willing to make an exception and offer you a job on the spot. What do you say, Ludger?”

That was no question.

Ludger refused to shake the hand of a man who had tried to kill Elle.

“I'm sorry, but I think I'll have to refuse,” Ludger said, turning down the offer, trying to keep his expression and the sound of his voice civil. “As it is, I already have my hands full at home taking care of my brother.”

Trying to figure out what he was playing at, Bisley stared at him for a moment, then laughed dismissively. “I see. Julius here can be a bit of a handful, can't he? His unbridled enthusiasm for the job is what makes him such a valued agent, you know. Now that I know he has such an attentive younger brother at home, it's no wonder he puts forth so much effort. I imagine that every step he takes must be made for you.”

Julius was going to lose it. It really wasn't necessary for Bisley to speak like that. Surely, Julius was already aware that Bisley's position and the authority of Spirius would allow him to enter their home and spirit Ludger away for his purposes regardless of how he responded to his offer. He was just provoking him and it was difficult to watch without saying anything. Ludger held his tongue, otherwise he was afraid of what might fly off of it.

His thoughts were pulled away when he felt something gently tugging his pant leg, and Ludger looked down to find Elle looking up at him. “Um, Ludger? What's going to happen to the train? Are we really going to crash? I-I'm supposed to be going to a place called Canaan.”

_Shit._

As soon as the words left Elle's mouth, the eyes of Bisley, Julius, and even Vera were upon her. Ludger hadn't even stopped to realize that he might have to caution her not to say anything in front of them. At this point before, he and Elle barely knew each other and they hadn't even said that much to each other. They only knew each other in the context of their situation.

All too late, Ludger realized that it was a mistake to rely on what he remembered. The flow of time was already shifting away from what he knew, and trying to replicate his memories would be like trying to fight against the current. Time wasn't something physical. It wasn't malleable. It was liquid and it was slipping through his fingers.

“Canaan, you say?” Bisley said, his mouth spreading into a toothy grin, his voice filled with an unsettling type of curiosity. His eye caught the gleam of the pocket watch dangling from around her neck and Ludger internally cursed that as another oversight.

The things that were problems now hadn't seemed like problems the first time. They didn't realize that Bisley was such a despicable human being, so they had been fooled into trusting him because of how knowledgeable he seemed in regards to Canaan, the fractured dimensions, and the use of their watches. The one thing Ludger absolutely had never been able to trust was his opinion of Julius. It was true that Bisley must have thought of Julius as a valuable agent, but that was only because he was using him. The second Julius escaped from his control, he was treated like a worthless nuisance.

If Spirius had managed to capture Julius... He probably would have been used in Rideaux's place.

“Y-yeah,” Elle said, staying close to Ludger. She must have picked up on the cautious way that he and Julius were acting around Bisley. “My daddy said I had to take this train and go to Canaan, but maybe he just wanted me to meet Ludger and this guy with the glasses...”

“Are you sure he said 'Canaan'?” Julius asked. He gave her a look, trying to tell her that she should change her story. Ludger understood what he was trying to get her to do, but it went over Elle's head.

“No, he definitely said 'Canaan'! He talked about it a lot. It's a place where any wish can come true! I'm supposed to make a wish for us there.”

It had to be impossible for Bisley to grasp the full story, but its pieces were coming together in his mind. “Is that so? Your father wanted you to meet Julius and his brother so they could take you to Canaan, is that right? That's interesting... I admit, I'm curious how you intend to get there. Most people consider Canaan a myth. Do you know where it is?”

Elle gave Rollo a squeeze and stared at the floor. “No... I was hoping that Ludger might know.” She looked back up at him. “Can you take me there?”

Ludger sent Bisley an ambiguous look, smiling with narrowed eyes, and felt amused at his confusion.

It felt empowering to be the one who held all the cards.

“Yeah,” he said, looking down at Elle. “I'll take you there.”

“Are you saying _you_ know how to get to Canaan?” Bisley asked, brows raised, derisive smirk still on his face.

Ludger shrugged. He'd leave it up to Bisley to decide how serious he was being. “You want me to call it impossible and trample Elle's hopes? I think I can work something out.”

“R-really? Will you?” Elle asked hopefully, standing on her toes.

“Sure! We'll do it somehow. Me and you and brother.”

She lifted Rollo a little higher. “This kitty too?”

Ludger laughed. “Yeah, of course. Rollo will come too. We can't just leave him behind. He's a very important part of our family!”

As soon as he said it, he realized that it might've sounded a little odd. It made it sound like he was already including her as a part of that 'family'. He should have just said 'group' or something, but... It didn't seem so much like a mistake once he saw the way it made Elle's face light up. She really seemed to enjoy the thought of being in the kind of family that counted a fat cat among its members. That shouldn't have struck him as surprising. It was Elle, after all.

Elle gave Rollo a squeeze, nuzzling the back of his neck. “Hear that, Rollo? We're all going to Canaan together!”

Hopefully their discussion sounded like innocent nonsense to Bisley. On the other hand, Julius was giving him another stare, wondering if he understood what he was talking about when it came to Canaan.

“Ludger,” Julius said. He wanted them to get out of there.

Faking a cough, Vera directed everyone's attention toward herself. “Sir,” she said, addressing the chairman, “there are still terrorists on board this train. I appears that Director Kresnik was here by coincidence, but...”

Julius quickly figured out where she was going with that train of thought. As an apology, she was trying to help them out of the awkward situation she'd inadvertently thrown them into. “That's right,” he said. “Ludger and I will continue ahead. That man who went ahead of us may be in need of our help as well. I doubt he could handle them all by himself.”

His brother hadn't had the chance to see Jude fight yet. He had no idea how well he could take care of himself. Jude was probably fine. The terrorists were the ones who were in trouble. For now, though, it made for a good excuse. Bisley hadn't taken a close enough look at Jude to realize who he was, so he was still flying under his radar.

“If you'll excuse us.” Julius, back straight, led them between Bisley and Vera.

However, as they passed, Bisley put one of his large hands on Ludger's shoulder. He looked at Elle with the eyes of a man who was looking at something he desired to possess. “It's going to be dangerous, you two. Why don't you leave the girl here with me?”

The deeply protective part of Ludger wanted to rebel, his skin searing beneath the touch of that man's hand, his heart on fire with anger at the way Bisley looked at her. He felt like a fool for ever having trusted him. He would never let Elle leave his sight again, especially knowing what terrible things Bisley would do with her if he realized that she was the Key.

Surprisingly, before he could say anything, Julius was the one who spoke, his voice firm and assertive.

“She'll be safe with us.”

Julius may not have known anything about her, but the fact that Bisley showed an interest in her seemed to make him just as eager to protect her. He may have failed to keep their personal information out of Bisley's hands, but he wasn't going to let him have anything else. Ludger understood that feeling. Bisley wasn't going to take anything else from their family.

With that as the final word, they left.

Once they were in the next car, though, Ludger still found it hard to breathe easy. Seeing that man's face again wasn't good for his heart. He'd managed to keep a strong appearance in front of him, but his knees began to shake once they were out of his sight. He'd been strong enough to fight Bisley before, but only with the help of his friends and the extended power of the Chromatus. If they were to ever meet again under more dire circumstances, he was going to pray for divine intervention.

As they made their way to the front of the train, Julius gradually came to a halt in front of them and turned around.

He hesitated for a moment. “You- ...You know better than to get involved with Bakur, don't you?”

Ludger thought he'd made that clear enough already, but he could understand Julius's worry after he'd gone so far to protect him from him for so long. “Don't worry, brother,” Ludger said, giving him a small smile.

Letting Rollo out of her arms, Elle came over to Ludger and nervously looked at his hand. Taking the hint, Ludger held out his hand, but she didn't take it, pretending like she wasn't interested in holding hands. “That big guy back there was kind of scary,” she said. “I don't know what it was, but he gave me a bad feeling. Maybe it was his creepy beard. His face had too much going on.”

Was that... Was that a laugh he heard? It sounded like Julius was desperately trying to stifle a laugh at her comment about Bisley's overly-complicated facial hair.

“Brother...”

He kept trying to cover it even though it was obvious that he was laughing. Finally, he coughed and cleared his throat. “I-it's nothing. Let's go.”

As they were about to begin walking again, ready to pass on to the next train car, they felt something under their feet; a light rumble that seemed to be becoming stronger, like a ripple shaking its way down the train, beginning from the front.

“Shit, do you think-” Julius grit his teeth and braced himself by grabbing the back of one of the passenger seats. “Ludger, grab on to something!”

Had they really wasted that much time talking to Bisley? Before, they had been able to go all the way through a fractured dimension before the train crashed. There was too much dust flying outside the windows, so he couldn't even tell where they were.

Rollo ran off again and Elle chased after him. “Come back! Rollo, come back! You're going to get hurt!”

_That should be my line_ , Ludger thought to himself as he chased after her. He could hear Julius begging him to come back, but Ludger's feet propelled him forward. Just as Elle grasped Rollo and pulled him into her arms, the door at the end of the car opened with an Exodus member on the other side. As if heedless of the commotion and unconcerned for his own safety, the man pointed his gun at Elle.

Everything happened so fast.

Ludger drew his blades. At the same time, his ears vaguely registered the sound of a shot being fired.

But Elle was fine. After pushing her out of the way, the tips of his fingers tingled.

She screamed, but the watch didn't react to him. He felt calm and accomplished. He didn't need its power.

The train's shaking became more violent and the sound of screeching metal that began at the front of the train came closer. It filled up his ears and became so loud that it enveloped his senses.

He fell back and didn't feel anything.


	2. Family

He felt comfortable.

When Ludger was finally able to feel his own presence from within the embrace of unconsciousness, the only thought that existed in his head was not much of a thought at all; only that he felt comfortable and secure. Before distress could manifest itself, his fingers twitched, his legs tingled and ached. Very slowly, he opened his eyes, keeping them half-lidded to protect them from the sun.

There was a ceiling fan above him spinning quietly. It struck him as familiar and hit him with a memory; the bar in the shady part of Duval where people who were hurting for gald went to gamble away what little they had in the hope of breaking away from their debt. Ironically, that place had been where he'd signed the very papers that buried him under an inescapable figure. If only he'd been more aware of who he was speaking to, he may not have been so hasty with his signature.

This wasn't Duval, though. At least, he didn't think it was. It was too bright to be Duval. In that city, all of the buildings were tall and stood close together. Their roads looked like alleyways and their alleyways looked like black crevices – the type that meandered and were easy for the innocent stranger to become trapped in. He wouldn't expect to feel such gentle sunlight there.

He was laying in a bed in a simple-looking bedroom. It was modest yet homey, giving him the impression that the room he was in was someone's guest room rather than an inn.

As his eyes wandered the room, his heart finally began to pound and nearly stopped when his eyes fell upon who was standing near his bedside.

“E... Elle?”

She stopped her pacing and turned around the second she heard his voice. “You're awake?” she said, her eyes wide and surprised. She quickly came to his side and sat in the chair that was by the bed. “Are you okay? You've been asleep for three days.”

Three days?

Ludger had wondered what made her act so surprised, but it was no wonder. The last thing he remembered was pushing Elle out of the way so that he could defend her from a terrorist who had suddenly appeared. He wasn't sure of how, but something caused him to lose consciousness. He must have been able to rest easily for those three days knowing that he had protected her. He couldn't see any bandages on her, but that didn't mean she hadn't been injured after the train-

“What happened to the train?” he asked. It seemed like the train was about to crash with the way the car had been shaking so strongly. “Did it... Did we crash into the Oscore plant?”

“Huh?” She stared at him strangely. “No way. Of course we didn't. Do you think we would still be alive if that happened?”

Well, last time, they had survived somehow. Before they regained consciousness, Rideaux had treated them already, so Ludger couldn't even be sure of the severity of the injuries they'd sustained then. Rideaux's medical treatment had made them as good as new, and he may have very well saved them from death, but it came at the most ridiculous price conceivable...

This was good. Hopefully, this meant that the Oscore plant was still standing. Lives had been saved and the potential of the plant and all that it stood for had been preserved.

She smiled. “Jude was the one who stopped the train. He was a pretty reliable conductor after all. When the train stopped, we all went flying around. We were fine, but you hit your head really hard on the floor. I, um...” Elle's smile faded as she approached her next words. “When you didn't get up, the big guy with the glasses got kind of scary.”

“Scary?” Ludger asked.

She shook her head and her thin brows furrowed. That may not have been the word she meant, but Ludger had an idea of what happened. “He was shouting your name over and over, but then he got really quiet. I think he might've thought you were dead. You were laying on the floor like the other people we'd seen, so I couldn't tell...”

Ah...

Ludger regretted all of the things Elle had to see on that train, even as unavoidable as it had been. That must have been her first time seeing a dead person when she saw the body of the Exodus member Julius killed. And then, after that, all of the bodies of the innocent passengers they needed to step over to proceed... And the other terrorists they had to kill... The sight of them must have been burned into her mind, so when she saw him laying there on the ground looking like all of those other bodies, she must have assumed the worst.

“You were worried about me?” he asked.

Elle gave a start. Her face reddened and she looked away from him. “N-no, of course not! Why would I worry about you?”

“I'm alright,” he said. He meant it, he thought. “I said we'd all be alright, didn't I?”

“You never said anything about yourself.”

Those words made Ludger feel as though he'd taken a punch to the gut. He'd been so stupid... It was another oversight created by his way of thinking; the sort of thing he wouldn't have done before without knowledge of the future. The fact was becoming increasingly clear to him that the things he remembered were no longer 'the future'.

If he went about every day treating Elle's life as though it were more important than his own, then he might quickly find himself dead. And then what kind of world would that be? It wouldn't be the one he saw in the 'future' and it wouldn't be the one he wanted to create, that was for sure.

He couldn't afford to be reckless and he couldn't presume to know anything.

He didn't just want Elle to live. He wanted to live _with_ her.

Resting his head back into the pillow, he stared up at the ceiling for a few moments to will his tears back into his eyes before they had the chance to start, then looked back to Elle.

“I'm sorry,” he said. That, he was sure he meant.“I'll be more careful next time.”

Before either of them could say anything else, the door on the other side of the room opened. It was opened just a crack and someone poked their head in. Ludger couldn't help but laugh softly at the look of surprise on Jude's face when he saw that he was awake too. Almost just as quickly, he disappeared again, but Ludger could hear him as he called his brother's name.

Ludger whipped his head to the side and stared at Elle. “Bro- ...Julius is still here?” A part of him had already been treating it as a foregone conclusion that Julius would have run off on his own.

She sighed dramatically. “You're all he ever talks about. 'Ludger this, Ludger that.' The old man kept telling him that he could leave you here with the rest of us, but he refused to go anywhere without you.” Even though she said all of that like it was something that bugged her about him, there was a smile stuck on her face. “He did take me out a few times, though. So I guess he's not all bad. He said he was only doing it because he needed to keep an eye on me for you, but he looked like he was having fun.”

So Julius had been looking out for her...

If he hadn't left, though, that must have meant that he hadn't gone back to work. Spirius probably had people circling their apartment, so going home would have been out of the question anyway. He and Elle had probably been moved to the top of their interests, but Julius wouldn't have been safe, either. Ludger could think of a thousand ways that going back to Spirius would have been a bad decision for his brother, so it was a good thing he'd decided to lay low... wherever they were.

When the door reopened, Jude came into the room, followed by Julius and an old man who looked rather familiar.

Suddenly, Ludger knew where they were.

“You're-”

The old man laughed warmly. “Ah, you remember who I am?”

For a second, his question made Ludger wonder if he also remembered their previous adventure through the Trial, but he quickly realized that it couldn't have been meant that way. It was a lot simpler than that.

Ludger smiled. “Come on, of course I remember you. I stayed with you for a while before brother and I started living on our own together in Trigleph. Uh... It's been a long time, though. Is it still alright to call you 'grandpa', or should I call you 'Marvin?'”

“Aha! I suppose 'Marvin' will be fine. You're an adult now, after all. You're even taller than me!”

Marvin looked extremely pleased that he remembered him. Though, in truth, Ludger wasn't sure he would've actually remembered him if it hadn't been for meeting him again the last time, when they helped retrieve his cat – the one conspicuously named 'Julius'. He still couldn't remember anything from before the age of five, but a few of his memories from after then were fuzzy as well. Even after reading his brother's dying letter and hearing the recordings he left behind, no memories returned to him. He had no recollection of his mother's face, and he barely remembered the time he spent in Marvin's care. Julius hadn't been around much back then.

It wasn't until that one night – the one that Julius wrote about in his letter – that his memories began to feel worth remembering.

After that day, Julius started treating him more kindly. He smiled more. Then, even when Julius wasn't with him, the apartment didn't feel lonely. He waited for him to come home every day.

That was when his life really began.

Whatever terrible things existed buried within his memory, it didn't seem to matter when he had so many other precious memories. Julius had done enough to atone for whatever he'd done in their past, Ludger felt, by being there, by watching him grow, just by loving him. The things Julius was holding back, that he felt like he needed to say, were only things he needed to say for his own sake.

That look he was giving him told Ludger that there were still many things he wanted to tell him. That was what that fearful look meant, mixed with relief and apprehension.

Ludger sat up carefully, mindful of his injuries. He didn't feel as well as he had with Rideaux's treatment, but he also probably didn't owe Jude twenty million gald, so he couldn't complain. There were bandages around his chest and shoulder, and he felt sore, but there was no sign of blood.

“Brother.”

That was all he needed to say, looking at Julius, and his brother was immediately at his side. Ludger held out his arms, and Julius hesitantly sat on the bed and leaned into his embrace. It was more for Julius than himself, but Ludger allowed himself to soak in the feeling of having him there with him, so close, right there...

Really there...

“Hey, glasses guy, are you going to cry or something?”

Julius leaned back and stared at Elle with an exasperated look. “Elle, I know you know my name. Why do you keep calling me that? Are you trying to make me feel self-conscious?”

“Elle,” Jude said softly, “how about we go back to the living room? I think we should leave them alone for a minute.”

Snickering to herself, Elle hopped out of the chair. “Alright. Glasses guy really wanted to talk with him, so I'll let 'em catch up. Let's go watch Sunscreen Rangers, Jude!” She joined them at the door and pulled a flailing Jude away with her.

Before leaving, Marvin looked at the two of them over his shades. “Take your time. From what I understand, there's a lot you should talk about. I'll have my eye on those two for you, so you should just focus on yourselves right now, alright?”

With a complicated expression, Julius agreed and thanked him. He probably thought that he was burdening them all. “We won't be that long, Marvin. Thanks.”

With one more significant, lingering look, that time at Ludger, Marvin turned and left, closing the door behind him.

“So... You were the one who brought me here?” Ludger asked.

Julius took in a deep breath and let it out slowly to prepare himself to recant the events. “Yes. I was pretty shaken when the train stopped. We didn't crash, but we got thrown around all the same... To make it worse, you got shot by that Exodus member, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. For a while, I thought...” He stopped, unable to get it out. Elle had already told him in detail about Julius's reaction, so Ludger had the feeling that he knew what Julius felt. “Anyway, Jude met with us and we hijacked a vehicle to get ourselves back to Trigleph. On the way there, Jude was already doing everything for you that he could in the back seat. I had Elle stay in the front next to me, but she kept looking back at you...”

Feeling guilty, Ludger rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. I really made you all worry, didn't I?”

“It's fine. Worrying about you is probably the one thing I do best,” Julius said, flashing him a warm and reassuring grin.

“Still...” Ludger mumbled, placing his hands back in his lap. “It must have been dangerous to move around with me while I was knocked out.”

Julius shrugged one shoulder. “I knew that we wouldn't be safe in Trigleph for very long. It may have been risky, but we stopped at the apartment for a while so that Jude could finish treating the worst of your wounds. After that, even though you weren't waking up, Jude managed to get us on a train to Drellin just by using his name. Apparently it's not unusual to travel with someone who's unconscious if you're a doctor...”

That was indeed surprising, but that wasn't the part that had Ludger concerned. “You... Y-you carried me all the way there?”

“What was I supposed to do?” Julius asked, treating his question like it was rhetorical. “You aren't heavy.”

“It's just... kind of embarrassing. And I was passed out that whole time...” He felt like he could die from embarrassment, especially when he realized that he didn't _smell_ like he'd been unconscious for three days. Someone had been taking care of him and he didn't have the guts to ask who because he was pretty sure he _knew_. To distract himself from his embarrassment, Ludger decided to change the subject. “So, uh. Anyway. What made you think about coming here? I bet it must've been really surprising for Marvin to see us again, especially with me in the condition I was in.”

“Marvin and I never lost contact. When things get rough at work, I still come here sometimes. I'm sorry for never mentioning it.” It looked like Julius hadn't wanted to tell him that. He had no choice, though. If he didn't mention it, Marvin was probably going to mention his visits at some point.

Ludger understood what he really meant. The work he did for Spirius was difficult. It was horrible. They forced him to do things that no human being should have to do, and it had taken a terrible toll on him. When he was at his lowest, Julius probably felt like he couldn't let him see him that way, so that was why he would stay out and come home late or mysteriously reappear in the morning.

Sometimes he was working tirelessly. The other times, though, he must have been with Marvin, recovering.

“No, that's fine.” It was. “Although...” Things weren't the way they used to be, at least for him. He could lift his chin and say it now. “You don't have to hide anything from me. I'm really worried about you, brother. I just know that if you keep on the way you've been going, something horrible will happen, and I don't want that.”

“I see. So, something really must have happened. You're certainly my brother, but something's different now.” As soon as he said that, he noticed the way it made Ludger recoil and realized that he hadn't chosen his words carefully enough. “Come on, now. I didn't mean it in a bad way. You just sound more mature all of a sudden. Though, if you really do know _everything_ as you claim to, then I suppose there's no way you wouldn't be at least a little different.”

It sounded like Julius was trying to make him feel better. Or he might've been trying to make himself feel better, internally rationalizing his failure to protect him from the things he'd tried to keep hidden from him about their family. They were the things that were too difficult to talk about.

Julius wasn't alone – Ludger found it hard to open his mouth and admit how much he knew. He hated seeing Julius like that, trying to act tough for his sake. Now that he knew what was going on in his head, Ludger couldn't turn a blind eye to it.

It made him feel disgusting to even think it, but a part of him had been a little glad that he hadn't had to have that kind of conversation with Julius, and Julius must have thought the same thing back then. It must have been a lot easier to put all of his feelings into a letter.

Was that 'escaping'?

It might've been. But Ludger couldn't blame him.

“Ludger...?”

...When had he started crying?

He hadn't even realized.

Gently, without a word, Julius put his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. As tears accumulated and spilled down his cheeks, Ludger kept his face hidden over his brother's shoulder, staring blindly ahead into nothing, feeling an unexplainable sort of feeling.

When he'd been with Jude and the others as they journeyed to Canaan, he hadn't had enough time to sit and process the fact that Julius was gone. He hadn't wanted to, either. It was easier to pick up his blades and follow the others and do whatever they told him. He'd listened, barely speaking; that was all he had to do. Without Elle and without his brother, he felt numb inside. There was nothing.

If he didn't think about it too much, he discovered, it was like Julius had never left. He didn't even have to pretend. Self-delusion was a powerful tool.

Now, he didn't cry because he missed him. He cried because he knew how much he would if Julius ever left him again. It was like suddenly waking up from a terrible dream. No words could express the pain, only the ineloquent sounds that occasionally slipped out of his mouth as his shoulders shook. He didn't want to tell Julius what happened because he knew that saying it out loud would make it feel like something that really happened, and, no matter how real it had been, he didn't want it to be real. That was the sort of pain he didn't want to face – not again.

But if he wanted Julius to understand what he'd been through, he was going to have to say it. It was probably going to affect Julius too, but it couldn't be avoided.

Slowly, he sat back so he could talk and already missed the warmth of Julius's arms. As soon as he opened his mouth to begin speaking, he closed his lips, feeling unsure of where he should even begin. Julius seemed to have other ideas, leaning over to the bedside table to grab a tissue. Ludger tried to stay still, but he squirmed awkwardly and flushed in embarrassment as Julius dried his face.

“I don't know what happened,” he said, “but I want you to know that I'll always help you through any problem, even if those problems are because of me. Even if...” Julius stopped himself, hesitating to continue.

Ludger could only speculate what he was about to say, but he had a feeling he knew.

_Even if I shouldn't. Even if you'd be better off without me._

Those were the kinds of feelings Julius had always been shouldering. It was easy to hear them now even when they weren't said. It made Ludger ache inside, realizing that he could hear the words that were written in his silence. They'd always been there, but he hadn't heard them before, hadn't even realized that he should be keeping his ears open for them.

“I completed the Trial,” Ludger said. That was cutting it straight to the point, but he could tell that it left Julius with more questions than answers based on the look he was given. “I... I was sent back to the past. By Chronos, probably.”

“The Great Spirit of time?” Julius asked.

Ludger nodded, his eyes blankly searching the sheets. “Yeah. You're familiar with him, right? It looked to me like you two had encountered each other before in fractured dimensions.”

“Back up a second, Ludger. You completed the Trial? _You_ did? How...?”

“It started the same way it did a few days ago. It was supposed to be my first day at work in the station cafeteria. I guided Jude Mathis to the station. Then Exodus attacked and we chased Elle into the train. But the train crashed that time. You had been on the train too, but you disappeared ahead of me...”

“Because I...” Because Julius had planned to confront and kill Bisley Bakur if that were what it took to keep him from getting his hands on the brother he'd kept hidden from him. He just wanted Vera to change the information that revealed his existence, but it was already too late. Fate wouldn't have been any kinder to him a second time had Ludger not pulled him away from it.

“Right,” Ludger said. “Because of that, Spirius painted you as a terrorist. After the crash, you must have run off on your own to escape Bisley and the rest of us were taken and treated by Rideaux. For his service, he uh... H-he kind of made me sign an agreement that I would pay him back twenty million gald.”

Surprisingly, Julius didn't scold him for that. He didn't even seem surprised. As Ludger should've predicted, Julius was far more annoyed to hear his coworker's name. “That tacky bastard. I know you're talking about something that occurred in another time, but that doesn't change the fact that _he_ put his hands on you.”

“Haa... You really hate him, don't you, brother?”

“'Hate' is a strong word. I'm not sure I would say that I hate him. I definitely don't agree with a lot of the things he does, but I can't say I don't understand where it's coming from. He's not a nice person, but he was handed a raw deal in life, and I... Well.” He could relate to that. “If he did anything else to hurt you and that girl, then I may revise my opinion, however.”

“Well... Yeah, he sort of did. He... Every time he showed up, he was bad mouthing you, always saying things to try to divide us. I couldn't stand listening to him. He hurt you and Elle, and then he took away someone who was very important to us. I thought I would never be able to forgive him, but then we faced him and I saw him when he was at his weakest, and instead, I just felt sorry for him. Bisley kidnapped Elle and he took Rideaux and used him as his soul bridge to reach the Land of Canaan.” Ludger let out a long breath. “He was a pitiable person.”

Friends or not, Julius still looked disturbed by the idea of Rideaux being used for such a purpose. It was finally becoming clearer to him that the things Ludger was saying were true. The future could be that unpleasant. “It's kind of scary how easily I believe all of this. I don't think you could talk in such detail if they weren't things you actually witnessed with your own eyes. I know that Bisley has always seen me as a free ride to Canaan; an easy and expendable soul bridge. I must not have been available if he used Rideaux instead. If you managed to complete the Trial, then does that mean...?”

“I...” Ludger's jaw locked on its own. His lips quivered as he struggled to say it aloud. “I don't want to say it.”

Julius was there in front of him. So it was fine. The red of his blood, the feeling of his weight against his shoulder, his final words – he could keep pretending that none of it happened.

“Ludger...” Julius's left hand twitched as if aching to reach out to him. He covered it with his other hand, gripping it tightly. “I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to say that.”

He didn't. And he didn't have to keep holding back, either.

With a look of regret, Julius turned his eyes away. “I do, though,” he said, voice quiet yet firm. “Even if that hasn't happened yet – even if it doesn't – I feel responsible. I'm sure that decision was my own. To have put you through that... Whether or not it's happened yet doesn't change the fact that it happened to you, and if I don't apologize, then who will? The me from the future you experienced? That me is already gone.” He shook his head sadly and looked back up, capturing Ludger's eyes. “I know. I know that no one can suitably apologize for something that has and hasn't happened, but please... Let me. Let me apologize for everything now while I still can.”

It was difficult to look away from him when Julius looked at him so earnestly. “Is this more of your selfishness?” The look on his face was the same as it had been then. It twisted Ludger's heart in an awful yet wonderful way. Ludger wanted to solve that expression so that he would never have to see him looking that way ever again.

Like he wanted to cry... Lamenting his regrets and failures – the things he did, the things he didn't do.

“Did I call it that?” Julius asked, laughing at himself. “Maybe it is. If protecting you and making you happy is the one thing I want more than anything, then maybe I am just doing everything for myself. It's unreasonable to expect you to understand how I feel if I never say anything to start with, huh?”

It almost hurt to hear him talking that openly. “If you had realized that from the start, then none of that would've had to happen. You wouldn't have... You...”

In a perfect world, they would have been open with each other from the beginning. Everything would have been easier with Julius by his side, and then maybe Julius would have thought twice before suggesting that he be used as their way to Canaan. That was, however, only in a perfect world. Even knowing that there was a possible alternative, Ludger's eyes were open now, and he knew that life was unfair. If life wanted them to be miserable, it could still find a way.

He wanted to remain hopeful, though. He wanted to believe that they could do it, even if that made him naïve.

“Ludger, if you plan to complete the Trial, you know that you'll still need someone to-”

“I won't!” he said, his voice too loud. Realizing that the others may have even heard him, Ludger felt his face getting hotter, but he kept his eyes locked on Julius's and tried to remain confident. “This time, I'm going to be the one who protects you. So please...” Although his fingers were still trembling with emotion, he lifted his hands and placed them over his brother's. “Don't treat your life like a tool. I know it may seem like a lot now, but having seen everything I've seen, having done... everything that I've done... I can say that you mean more to me than anything.”

He couldn't help it that he was crying. After remembering everything, a few tears were inevitable.

“Ahh, how did it come to this?” Julius said, releasing a sigh that sounded simultaneously affectionate and regretful. “I never meant to make you care about me.”

“What are you saying? That's not something you get to choose.” Ludger wondered if things could be different this time around if he cried a little more, if he begged him harder. Changing a person like Julius wasn't something simple, though. Until the end of time, he would probably still be just as stubborn.

At least, before it was too late, it seemed that Julius realized that he couldn't keep hiding things from him. He would keep trying anyway, but there were things that Ludger had already seen – things like the little hidden pieces of their family's history and big things like the space he occupied in Julius's heart. Everything was transparent before his eyes, so he would be able to see through even the purest of lies.

“So, that girl...”

Ludger jumped slightly, worried about what he might ask.

Pulling one of his hands away, Julius rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Is she...?” He closed his eyes for a moment, looking like he was unsure whether he wanted to voice his speculation. “I've already gathered that she's from another dimension, but I feel like I've seen her face before. She's related to you, isn't she?”

Yep, there it was.

Ludger wanted to grab the pillow and hide his face, but he just let go of Julius's hand instead and chose to look away. “Just as much as she's related to you, you could say. Even though Elle and I are technically related, that wasn't what brought us together and it wasn't what kept us together, either. It may not seem like it now, but Elle and I became great friends. She was my partner. Even if that's been erased by me being sent back to the past, this Elle is still the Elle I know and I don't want to lose her.”

“You know, Ludger, it's one thing for you to say that about us. You've known me for your entire life, so even if you lost a few days, it would change little about our relationship, but if you only just became friends with her and you lost the whole time you spent together, then how sure are you that she's still the Elle who you remember?”

He'd been hoping he wouldn't say that. That was one of the thoughts he'd been ignoring. Now it was out there along with everything else, so he wasn't going to be able to ignore it anymore.

He and Elle may never be quite like what he remembered. But...

“Brother, do you believe in fate?”

There was no need for him to ask, and there was no need for Julius to think about it either, but he was quiet for a moment anyway. “Unfortunately,” he replied.

“Just this once,” Ludger said, looking back up at him, “I want to believe in it. If I was given this shot at a second chance, then that must mean that fate can be changed, but, no matter how much the future deviates from what I saw, I want to believe that there are things that will always remain the same.”

“Sounds to me like plenty has changed already. Are you sure you're my little brother?” Julius teased, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

Laughing, Ludger swatted at his hand. “Hey, I just adapt quickly. Besides, haven't I always been the mature and responsible one between us? You don't even know how to iron a shirt.”

Defeated, Julius hung his head. “Agh! You got me... “

After running away from Bisley, having not returned to work in three days, Ludger questioned whether his brother even had a job anymore. That was fine, though. Having no income was still better than having a huge debt looming over them. As soon as they completed the Trial, they could figure out what to do about the Spirius corporation. Once the Trial was finished, it would probably be a very different place. All of the effort the company spent on hunting for waymarkers would be redirected to its far less shady endeavors.

Then his brother could work as a simple and honest GHS developer...

“Hm?” Julius tilted his head and smiled at him. “What are you thinking about? That's a nice smile.”

It was a little embarrassing, but there was no reason not to tell him. “I was just thinking about how much I want to go home.”

That had to be what Julius wanted too. The world inside of him was a place just for the two of them, where they could live every day the same way in an average, boring, yet comfortable sort of peace.

He didn't want Julius to question him. Inside, he was probably thinking that there was no way Ludger would really want to go back home with someone like him if he knew the truth, but, thankfully, he didn't say that. He just smiled. “Yeah. I hope we can get this cleaned up quickly. I'd like to go home too.” Getting up from the bed, Julius went to one of the draws near the window and returned shortly with Ludger's clothes. “Do you think you feel well enough to get dressed and get out of bed?”

“Probably,” Ludger said, taking his things from him. Gingerly, he felt around the place on his shoulder where the bullet struck him. It didn't feel as bad as he expected a gunshot wound to feel, but he supposed that he had Jude's treatment to thank for that. It could have been worse if he hadn't been there. “It's a good thing Jude was there after all. I didn't get shot last time, but I don't want to think about what might've happened this time if he hadn't been there.”

Julius stood near the bed, his arms over his chest. “That's true. I've told him countless times how grateful I am. He seems like a nice guy. I promised him that I would repay him, but he keeps insisting that it isn't necessary.”

That sounded like Jude, alright.

Once he had on his shirt, Ludger stopped and looked down at himself, nervously wondering if his brother intended to watch him even as he got up to put on his pants. He'd probably been the one who took care of him while he was unconscious, but – brothers or not – it was too embarrassing to get dressed in front of him.

Perhaps under different circumstances...

Taking the hint, Julius gave an embarrassed laugh and turned around. “Sorry. Don't mind me. I wasn't sure if you'd need help standing, so...”

“I-it's fine! It's not like you haven't seen me in less.”

Except the last time Julius had seen him naked was a long, long time ago, back when he was still young enough for them to be taking baths together. They were too young for it to be anything but innocent then, but now that they were older, it would have been awkward at the least and crossing a line at the most. Not that he particularly minded the thought of crossing that line...

Soon enough, he promised himself. The sooner they completed the Trial, the sooner he could tell him how he felt. In a way, the thought of telling his brother how he felt about him was more intimidating than the Trial.

While his back was turned, Ludger forced his sluggish legs to move and got out of bed, standing to get the rest of his clothes on. As he was fiddling with his tie, the last remaining piece, Julius took a peek over his shoulder. Taking pity on him, he came over and helped him finish, giving it a light tug to tighten it once the knot was tied.

With Julius leaning that closely, it would have been so easy to get up on his toes and...

“There. As good as new,” Julius said, running his hand over his tie to smooth it out. “You're still healing, though. Don't forget.”

“R-right...”

Were the thoughts he had about him going to become more incessant? Ludger had the feeling that Julius would accept his feelings if they took the time to talk about it, but he didn't want to make any progress on that front until they were in the clear. There were enough things he'd lost already. Until he felt it was safe to say something, he wouldn't risk endangering their relationship.

“Hm? You look like you have something you want to say.”

Was he some kind of mind reader?!

His brain in panic mode, Ludger waved a hand. “I-it's nothing! Really. Let's go see what the others are up to.”

Julius gave him a look, like he knew that there was something he still wasn't telling him, but he let it go and went to the door. Inside, Ludger was thanking the Spirits that he hadn't pressed the issue. He would tell him in due time.

When they left the room, Ludger came to a sudden halt, almost tripping over his feet when something came speeding up to him and crashed into his legs. He never knew that Rollo could even move that quickly... He was meowing frantically, nuzzling his leg. It looked like he'd missed him more than anyone. Ludger was just glad Rollo had managed to get off of the train safely too.

Elle appeared around the corner and came over. Crouching down, she picked Rollo up and held him in her arms. She'd gotten better at that. “You may have been in bed for three days, but Rollo's been everywhere,” she said excitedly. “He's brought back all kinds of neat things for us. Other cats follow him around too. He even brought back the old man's missing cat!”

Well that was good. They weren't going to have to hunt for it again.

“That's because he's the cat emperor,” Ludger said.

“Yeah, that's what glasses guy said,” Elle said, looking up at Julius. “He and Rollo are buds. He told me all about Rollo and the other cats.”

Ludger stared at Julius's profile. He was trying to turn away, but Ludger could see how proud it made him to be complimented on his cat knowledge. “You and my brother kind of seem like buds to me now.”

Elle looked scandalized. “Y-yeah right! I don't wanna be friends with a nerdy grown up!” Taking Rollo with her, she ran into the kitchen.

Julius sighed. “She can be surprisingly cruel...”

That was only how it looked on the surface. “I don't know. I think she likes you.”

Oddly, there was a sort of wistfulness in Julius's eyes when he smiled at that. “Maybe... I think I've started to understand why you wanted to protect her. Of course, I wouldn't have been comfortable letting Bakur use a little girl like her, but it's more than just a feeling of obligation.”

He really wanted Elle to like him.

It made Ludger feel glad. At first, he'd been afraid that Julius would find a reason to object to her again. Perhaps, because they were still together, Julius didn't feel like he had to compete with Elle for his affection.

When they entered the kitchen, they found Elle sitting at the table with Marvin across from her. Rollo, amusingly, had his own seat next to Elle, and Julius (the cat version, that is) was laying beneath Rollo's chair, taking an afternoon snooze. Coming to the table, Julius stared at the scene like he didn't have the heart to remove Rollo and Julius Catstantine III when they looked so comfortable. It took him a while and his timid efforts made Elle laugh at him, but he managed to safely relocate the two without receiving too many scratches. When Jude realized that everyone was finally together in one room, he got up from the living room and came into the kitchen as well, greeting them before taking a seat at the end of the table.

“How do you feel?” Jude asked, looking at Ludger with concern. “If you don't feel well enough to stand yet...”

Ludger brushed it off. “It still hurts a little, but I think I'm fine. I don't have the luxury to sit around anyway. There are things I have to do.” After he said that, he noticed the strange way it made Elle react. She hung her head, her eyes cast to her lap. There was no easy way to ask why she looked that way, so instead, he decided to try another approach. “Did everyone eat already?”

That got the reaction he was hoping for. Elle's head shot up. So did Julius's.

Julius tried to act restrained, showing his concern, but it was really obvious that he wanted to eat his cooking. “Ludger, you just got out of bed. You don't have to push yourself.”

“Speak for yourself!” Elle said, slapping her hands on the table. “You're the one who told me all about how great Ludger's cooking is. I-I know he should take it easy, but...”

She was so honest.

Ludger looked toward Marvin. “Is it alright if I use your kitchen?” It would've been rude to make himself at home without his permission, even if he remembered the way he used to help him prepare dinner when he was little.

Marvin just laughed. “We've all had to endure listening to your brother talk up your cooking. You'd think I've been feeding him garbage in comparison by the way he acted. At this point, we all want to know what it's like so we can settle whether it's as good as he promised – not to put pressure on you or anything. It's been so long... I remember when you were no taller than my knee. I'd like to see how much you've improved since then.”

No pressure, huh...? He might've said that, but it sounded like there were a lot of expectations riding on his ability. He already knew that Elle didn't like tomatoes, so she didn't have to say anything. As long as he put tomatoes on his brother's plate, he'd be happy. Jude wasn't nearly as picky as either of them. Marvin was the only wildcard. Ludger couldn't remember if he had any preferences, but he had the feeling he wouldn't be picky.

“Would omelettes be too simple?” he wondered aloud. He could easily make each one to satisfy each person's tastes.

Elle's eyes sparkled. “Omelettes...”

The others approved too.

As he busied himself at the small kitchen counter, gathering the things he would need from the refrigerator, Elle told him more about the times she had with Julius while he was asleep. Even though she acted like she wouldn't stand to be caught dead with him, she sounded awfully happy as she talked about their strolls around Drellin. It had always been a busy city with little Spirius involvement, so it was more or less safe for them to explore. While Elle acted carefree and had fun, though, Julius must have still been keeping a watchful eye out for any fellow agents who might report their whereabouts.

While Marvin watched him at home, Julius apparently took Elle and Jude to one of his favorite restaurants nearby. Ludger knew which one he was talking about because he'd been there the last time he visited Drellin. It felt odd, remembering something like that. It was already getting hard to say whether the memories he had could rightly be called 'memories'. He wondered if he should start thinking of them as 'alternatives' instead.

After Julius got done insisting that the restaurant's food was no match for Ludger's, the table became unusually quiet again. Their sudden quietness made Ludger feel uneasy and he wondered what words Julius had exchanged with them when he had them alone.

Leaving the pan on the stove, Ludger turned around.

“Hey, Ludger?” Elle said, timidly lifting her chin. “Is what glasses guy said true about me being from another world?”

He couldn't even react to that. The fact that Julius would mention that to her seemed so confusing that it didn't even compute.

All he could do was look at Julius, questioning him with his eyes.

Looking at him solemnly, Julius explained. “She was going to have to find out eventually, wasn't she? I'm sorry for deciding on my own, but there was no telling when you would wake up. Either way, I decided that it would be best if I took care of the hard part. I'm sure there would have been no easy way for her to find out.”

“Don't blame him, Ludger,” Marvin said, turning around in his seat to regard him. “I've always been aware of what your brother has to go through. It may feel like it would be easier to run away from the job our family has inherited, but the painful truth is that there is no way to comfortably avoid it – not without making great sacrifices in the process.”

None of it would go away if he pretended that it didn't exist. He was right.

Ludger almost resented that Marvin would refer to the Trial as their 'job'. It was someone else's game and they were just unwilling participants in it. But, by the fact that they were entangled in it so deeply, they had no choice but to play along. To them who didn't desire to treat it as a game, it was nothing more than a burdensome duty they had no choice but to fulfill.

With their knowledge, it would have been irresponsible _not_ to say something to Elle. If they didn't, they risked having to put her through the shock of confronting her father again...

He prayed that things wouldn't end up that way again.

Ludger smiled ruefully, more to himself than any of the others, and tried to focus on preparing the food. “So, Jude, does this mean you heard about it too?”

Until then, he'd been rather quiet. He was probably only still with them because he felt it was his responsibility as a doctor to keep an eye on his patient. All of their family business made him uncomfortable. “Yeah. I was there when Julius explained it for Elle. It's hard to believe that there are other dimensions that are nearly identical to our own, but I've seen some really crazy things before, so I know that anything is possible. I don't doubt anything he said. Still...”

Hearing the way he trailed off, Ludger wondered how much Julius had told them. “Brother, do they know about what your job really means? What we have to do to those other worlds...”

“I didn't sugarcoat it. Like I said, I took care of the hard part.” He tried to sound unaffected, but Ludger knew that it had to be impossible for Julius to tell them everything without feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Marvin was the only one he could discuss his job with in confidence, so explaining the difficult things he had to do to anyone else must have torn him apart.

Elle was also trying to put on a brave face, but it was a lot harder for an eight-year-old to accomplish. Her shoulders shook lightly as she tried to hold her feelings in. “Does this mean... that I can never go back home...?”

“There has to be something,” Jude said, trying to comfort her with a sense of hope. “The Lord of Spirits is a friend of mine, you know. As soon as I see her again, maybe she'll know of something that can help us.”

Without saying anything, Julius just looked at Ludger as if he were asking whether that were true or not.

Sadly, Ludger shook his head. He already knew that there was nothing Milla could do to change the rules of the pitiful game Origin and Chronos made them play.

“Thank you, Jude,” Ludger said. Beyond that point, he doubted how much Jude and Milla could do for them, but he couldn't deny that having a powerful Spirit as backup felt reassuring anyway. “I know this might sound naïve, but I hope there's something we can do. I don't want to destroy any more fractured dimensions. I don't want to use the watch's power. I want us to rely on our own strength. Even if we still need to find the waymarkers, I refuse to believe that we can't reach Canaan without sacrificing the other worlds.”

He feared what his brother might think of an idea like that. There was no disrespect meant by it. Suggesting that there might still be an avenue they hadn't traversed was like saying that Julius hadn't already tried everything he could. He knew Julius didn't want to destroy them, either. Part of the reason he hurt so deeply was because of how resigned he'd become to the fact that he had no other choice.

“Ludger...”

The way he said his name, the way he looked at him so pleadingly... Julius wasn't hurt at all by what he'd said. It was like he was begging him to find that other path.

“I don't want... my world to disappear,” Elle said, her eyes filling up with tears that she bravely tried to will away. “Promise you won't make it disappear.”

A promise like that wouldn't be easy to keep. Once they reached her dimension and secured the waymarked, that world would probably shatter the same way it had the first time. Even though he knew he couldn't leave her with her real father who only wanted to use her, he didn't feel right making that decision by himself. Maybe his brother could have, but that didn't feel like a choice that was up to them. No matter how awful that world was, even if it didn't have Julius or Jude or any of the others in it anymore, even if it were a place completely devoid of happiness, blighted by the presence of a catalyst, it wasn't his place to say whether or not that entire world deserved to disappear.

This time, he wanted to have the choice to refuse, even if it meant that he would have to forge that path with his own hands.

It may have been foolish, but he looked at Elle and smiled and told her, “I promise.”

She had no reason to trust him. She barely knew him. Still, she let go of her tears and smiled through them.

He was going to get an earful from Julius later for sure. That promise shouldn't have been made so hastily, but he couldn't stand to see Elle cry, and he wanted to fulfill that promise as much for himself as for her.

If that promise could be fulfilled... If they could really find a way to spare the fractured dimensions, then the three of them could surely find a way to be together...

“Who's ready for omelettes?” he asked, trying to brighten the mood. “I only have one pan here, so whoever's the hungriest will get theirs first!”

Just as he hoped, Elle and his brother began fighting over who deserved to have an omelette first. Jude and Marvin just watched with bewildered amusement as the two argued like siblings. It was almost hard to believe that Julius was more than triple her age when he acted like that.

Deciding to make up their minds for them, Ludger clapped his hands together to interrupt them. “Okay, it's settled! Jude's will be first!”

They wailed in despair, then commiserated in their defeat.

Omelettes were quick and easy to make, but the work it took was enough to district Ludger's thoughts for a while. Instead, he found himself focusing on the dull pain in his shoulder. It wasn't enough to worry him, though; Jude had done an excellent job. He was sort of glad that it still hurt a little, in fact. That way, he would always be reminded of the progress he'd already made towards the future he desired.

Thinking of it that way, his thoughts began to stray again, and he wondered whether it were alright for him to continue. If it were _his_ future he were creating... Then that was surely just another form of selfishness.

Destroying the fractured dimensions wasn't his decision to make. But was saving them? Even if it were possible, was that really a viable alternative?

He just didn't want anyone to suffer. As long as he could walk the path of least destruction, then that had to be okay. It had to be, otherwise he would contemplate it endlessly and find no satisfying conclusion.

Before he even realized it, Jude's cheese omelette was finished. Garnishing the plate simply with plump cherry tomatoes and a few fresh leaves of basil, he served the completed dish to Jude, then took a step back to observe his take.

Picking up his fork, Jude took a nervous glance at him before thanking him for the meal. While Ludger had been cooking so quietly, the others must have thought he was either thinking intensely or cooking intensely and they would've been correct if they decided on the former. Ludger was even a little worried that the omelette might not have turned out as well as it could have, but Jude's expression spoke to the contrary.

“This is...” After having taken a bite, Jude quickly took another. Then, after that second bite, a wide smile spread across his face. “Ludger, this is amazing. Who would've ever thought an omelette could be this good?”

_Phew..._

“Not fair...” Elle muttered, eyeing Jude's plate jealously.

“Really,” Julius agreed, staring too.

Marvin placed an elbow on the table and grinned up at Ludger. “You better do theirs next. This old man can wait. I don't wanna risk getting eaten alive.”

“Y-yeah...” Ludger said weakly, feeling slightly intimidated by the two pairs of ravenous eyes that followed him as he returned to the stove. He was just one Ludger, but he decided that he needed to be fair, so he took another pan from the cupboard and set it on the opposite burner. Once the butter had melted in them both, he added two eggs to each and turned around briefly to give them a thumbs-up.

No problem. He could do it. Two omelettes would be coming right up.

Unexpectedly, just by thinking about his worries, his heart and soul must have gone into that one he made for Jude. Intentionally duplicating that feeling wasn't something he could do, but Ludger's fingers felt light as he prepared the ones for Elle and his brother, thinking about how much he would enjoy seeing that kind of smile on their faces.

Once they were ready, he placed one cheese omelette (sans tomatoes) in front of Elle and one tomato-basil omelette in front of Julius, then eagerly awaited their reactions. Although he had little doubt that his brother would love it, he hoped and prayed that Elle would enjoy the omelette as much as his curry.

After his first bite, Julius sighed dreamily. “This is what I was missing,” he said.

Inside, Ludger agreed. It was such a simple thing, but he'd really missed making food for him. Until Julius wasn't there, he hadn't realized how much he lived for his praise.

“Well?” Ludger asked Elle, taking the seat across from Julius.

It was obvious that she was enjoying it. She kept stuffing big forkfuls of it into her mouth, but she stopped after a moment and stared at her plate. “It tastes... familiar.”

Even though he knew that she was comparing his cooking to Victor's, his self from another dimension, he couldn't stop a part of him from getting excited at the way those words sounded, feeling hopeful over the impossible chance that she remembered everything like he did.

“It reminds me of my daddy's cooking,” she said. She tried another bite but stared at her plate like she wanted to fight it. “D-don't get the wrong idea, though! Yours is just a close second.”

...Hm? Had he made some progress there too?

Maybe omelettes had been the right choice after all. Now he wasn't just 'second' to her father. He was a _close_ second.

Ludger rested his chin in his palm and shot Julius a quick, playful smirk. His brother already knew who his competition really was. He knew that beating an alternative version of himself from a future dimension wouldn't be easy. “Well then, Elle, if I meet your dad, we might have to have a cook-off to see who can win you over.”

At first, it looked as though she were about to protest, but then she raised her head, a challenging sparkle of conviction in her eyes.

“Go ahead! That just means I'll get to have lots of yummy food!”


End file.
